My cousins wedding is coming up this weekend.

It's interesting, while this isn't something I ever envision for myself, I mean they are a picture of typical monogamous het couple, I'm happy for them.
I think I'm also a little envious of the attention that our family will pay them for something that doesn't actually *require* a lot of effort and/or personal growth. Not at all saying that people *don't* put in effort and experience personal growth before they get married, but that it doesn't require it. People get married all the time, it doesn't require a test or a minimum time length on the relationship or anything. It's celebrating the *start* of something.

I fully acknowledge that I am freaking lucky. I can bring home a same sex partner and not have dire consequences. However just cause I have it better than many, doesn't mean I don't want more. I'm envious because I will never get to have a big party where my *bio* family will celebrate a milestone I have with my lover and maybe my other lover/girlfriend/whatever let alone have them acknowledge the worth and validity of having more than one relationship.

Ha, and now I'm getting to the point. I was thinking about writing something to maybe read at the wedding. We often have an opportunity to go up and say something at stuff like this. I usually never speak cause I'm shy and don't have anything prepared, but more and more I've been finding my voice and realizing what I have to say isn't stupid. So I sat down to write and really, the only thing I want to say is maybe a bit of advice on the importance of communication and honesty. Here, with my family, I run into the prejudices around age and heterosexism. Also my own closetedness. They only see the very few people I bring home and they certainly don't hear about the huge opportunities for growth and learning. Who am I to them, to give relationship advice?

But I think as a poly queer, I have developed some decent relationship skills, many of which are transferable to a mono het relationship. So here I am pondering what lessons to attempt to pass on and how to do so in a manner appropriate for a cousins wedding. While I want to be true to myself, I still want this to be about them. It's their freaking day, I actually want this to be more of a gift than a podium for myself.

I am an omnivore. I like meat, though I totally respect the many reasons why people might go vegetarian.

I was reading today about people eating invasive species. Squirrels and the like.
http://www.treehugger.com/files/2009/03/eating-aliens-invasive-species.php

I must say, I'm all for it. One of the reasons I would consider going vegetarian is the sustainability factor and this would greatly reduce that impact. Locally hunting your own meat, great! I think we are far to removed from the source of our food. One of the reasons I love the farmers market so much, at least I'm meeting the people who grew my food. I know that I would have to want meat a great deal more to go out and hunt and prepare wild game.

A number of friends of mine have attended UVic, which has a bunny problem. I have heard many stories of students eating the animals and again I am behind it. There was an article in the UVic newsletter about how to kill, skin and prepare rabbits which stirred up a lot of controversy.
This is a response to the article here:
http://www.rabbitadvocacy.com/hunting_uvic_rabbits_is_illegal.htm
There were a lot of comments about not hurting the bunnies which I think is a bit hypocritical if the posters are omnivores. The expanding bunny population is a problem and the suggestion that the only SPCA approved way of dealing with them is to have them neutered and have homes found for them is ridiculous. The problem was supposedly have started because people abandoned their pets. Do they really think that they are going to find homes for approximately a thousand rabbits? I don't think so. Shelters often have to kill their residents due to over population.

I'm not an expert on the most humane way of killing rabbits, I do think that it is important to do quickly and humanely and I think that torturing animals is awful and disgusting. AND I think that eating animals is a natural thing. Falcons, owls, hawks and off-leash dogs already take care of some of the bunnies, I would think that the fear and suffering would be about the same if not less being killed by a human vs animal.

So all in all, if you eat meat, why not eat rabbit? Local, free range, cheap and sustainable!

More aricles:
Bunny Complaints Multiply at UVic
Bunny Boom Bugs Victoria Campus

Mayhem!

This is going on in my lovely city, you should come! Enter the Mayhem!

So I'm sitting here perusing the feminist blogs as I am wont to do on a long day of filling, and the topic of workplace harassment came up. In this case a female flag person was being honked and catcalled. Now I've worked in a male dominated field for several years now and I've been part of the system (school) even longer. I rarely get any flak these days and more often in comes in undertones rather than anything outright. I really believe that we should have workplaces free from *any* kind of harassment, but what to do about it? There was a call to readers to put in their own ideas. Hell I should just link to the article in question already.

It's over at I blame the patriarchy. So there are some good responses and some that require the assistance of men. Like the suggestion of having two men stand by her while she's flagging and they don't get let by if they catcall. My instinct is that it puts out the idea that she still needs the protection of big strong men. Something I try to get away from. Everything I do at work I try my hardest to do myself. If something is too big or too heavy to move myself, there is usually some way to do the job safely with the right tools. I try to find that way by myself.

This reminds me of an episode recently at a local party. A friend (rougegentleman) had set up a kinky demo area at a party that is not specifically kinky, so of course there are a lot of spectators. Myself and another friend (wolfe) arrive later in the evening and decide to do a light flogging scene. Things are just fine until two rather drunk longshoremen came up and wanted to pay to have a go at me. If rougegentleman hadn't stepped in, the two would have interrupted wolfe more than just verbally. As it was we stopped because they were being quite persistent about wanting to pay me to hit me. That in and of itself was stupid, but rougegentleman was keeping between me and the two longshoremen with the idea of protecting me. I admittedly went along with this, but part of me balks at needing to be protected. I should be able to protect myself. However the system is not set up for this to be so. I have no illusions that if it came down to it, physically I would loose to two longshoremen.

So I think that maybe enforcing protection from abuse by using a big strong man furthers the idea that women are property to be protected. Whether it be by a partner, brother, coworker... whatever. It says to me that women need a guardian. I can't speak for anyone else, but I move through my life often by myself, I value my independence greatly and I realize that it comes with a risk, but I'm willing to take that risk. I think that maybe what the person recounting the story about the flaggers experience, idea was, might be a better idea. Fines for harassment, legal recourse. A process that doesn't require a person of a particular gender. (That said, I don't want to discount the big strong women, however they are a minority)

What am I trying to say here? I think that we need to be able to confidently pursue legal recourse when there is gendered harassment. Regardless of the extent of the harassment (verbal to rape), regardless of what is being worn (the flagger was wearing coveralls, I was in a short skirt and topless) and regardless of anything else, status, situation, location, etc. This needs to be *able* to happen and it needs to happen publicly enough that it sets an example. That people know that harassment is not okay and that there are consequences. Too often it is brushed under the table, women are too afraid of the very real consequences to themselves or justice is not served.

Thoughts?

Breath

So I currently work at a little burner and boiler parts wholesaler. I've been trained in industrial instrumentation and I have my C Gas Ticket, which in BC means I can work on residential gas appliances. I've wanted to be out on the tools for a long time now, and I've finally done it.

I'm angry though, I was the only woman in my classes and of course I was the only one who got stuck in sales. I make less then my classmates and it's taken me two years of making contacts and proving myself to get this opportunity. I had to challenge the beliefs of the guy who finally did hire me. He was disbelieving of the fact that I could and would "swing a pipe wrench".

Now I am working 5 days at my sales job (I finish my contract in December), I work Saturdays for my new employer, I've been going to the gym 2-4 days a week to get in shape for this new job and on top of it all, my new employer wants me to study for my Power Engineering Certificate. I'm doing it all, but I feel like I'm just barely holding it together.

This Saturday will mark day 4 of this new job. So far I've helped install a boiler feedwater tank, do a boiler inspection and fit up a stainless steel steam heat exchanger. I've done a lot of grunt work (threading and fitting pipe) and I've also learned so much. I've also been physically able to do almost everything I needed to do. The one thing I couldn't do, which was breaking seized pipe unions, I will be able to do shortly. Another month or two at the gym and all this grunt work on the weekends, and I will have biceps of steel baby! Then I'll show those unions who's boss!

Despite all this, the fact that I've been doing it all, that I can see the changes in my body, that I know I will continue to get stronger, that I know I can pick up new skills quickly, that the people I'm working with seem to be pretty awesome, I'm terrified.
I'm terrified that I'm going to run into something I won't be able to do, to learn, to figure out. I'm terrified that I'm going to be told I'm not strong/competent/able enough to do the job.
I'm terrified my feet will start to hurt again and I will either be in pain constantly or I will just have to quit. (I had to leave a wharehouse job because of plantar fasciitis, it was several months of constant pain before I did though)

Then there is this tremendous pressure I feel. I feel like if I fail at this, my entire gender will be judged because of it. If I don't make it, my new employer will never hire another woman. That the customers I've met will "know" that it was a mistake for the company to hire me. This is bullshit, but given my experience, I know in some ways it's not far from the truth.

Last Saturday we worked in a Punjabi Dairy. I could feel the looks, varied from disdain, to outrage, to disbelief that I was there, that I was doing a "man's job".

All of this, and I can't fucking wait till I'm at this full time. I love building and creating, working with the tools, troubleshooting and solving problems. I love the physical nature of the job, cranking away at the fittings, climbing up or crouching down and wedging yourself between things. I love the the people and the places, always something new. I love the satisfaction of a difficult problem solved, of a beautifully done job, of a happy new owner.

So I breath, and take this one day at a time. What else can I do?

And on a totally personal note...

My triad broke into a possible V yesterday, my two loves Bob and Lyn broke it off after nine years. I know Bob and I are still involved, but I'm not sure about Lyn. Feeling a bit lost and uncomfortable. I haven't lost anybody (yet), but that wonderful energy that the three of us had together is no more.

Right, I haven't posted in a while

Ahh well, life has been busy.

I've been reading a bunch of poly blogs dealing with my own angst, figuring my own shit out and what's come up a few places is labels.

Now I used to rebel against labels, but not so much now, but I think it would be better if people understood that a label can just be a starting point. I identify as a bisexual, polyamorous, kinky, eco-consious, feminist tradeswoman. That says a lot about me, but certainly not *everything* about me. It doesn't say that I make a mean batch of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, or that I prefer showers to baths and it also doesn't tell you the subtleties of each label, because under each of those labels there is room for difference.

The poly label says I'm not monogamous, my good friend would agree with that, though her style of polyamoury is much different than my own, she prefers to have a primary partner and several secondary relationships, I have found myself happily in a triad. You can be many different degrees on the bisexual spectrum, I find myself somewhere in the middle with a slight lean towards lesbian, I don't think I could tell you where exactly I fit and I know people who sit on either side of me in that regard. I'm kinky and again the spectrum of kink is so large and varied, both in wether you like to top/bottom, dom/sub or all or any combination and what kind of activities. I'd need a whole article to get to the nitty gritty of what my kink is.
Anyway, Labels can be useful in starting off communication, and if there isn't one that you think fits for you, make one up and explain it to people, maybe it will catch on.