Blue Collar, Flashy Undies

2009-07-03T18:57:00.000-07:00

Canadian Mayhem presents... The Bride of Pride Party Friday, July 31, 2009 A kinky, sexy party for all Queer Women in Vancouver

http://canadianmayhem.com

Bride of Pride is a BDSM/sex playparty for kinky women* into queer, woman-to-woman BDSM. Dress in whatever makes you feel good, bring your toys and your playpartners, and come join us! We encourage costumes and flights of fancy, but we won't turn you away if you're not in fetishwear! Just for fun, we'll have a few special theme areas, like puppy play, and ageplay and wrestling space and more!

Doors 8 pm - midnight, Party until 1 am. The WISE Hall, 1882 Adanac St, Vancouver.

*Who's Invited: All past, present and future women, of any orientation (homo, bi, hetero, trans), who enjoy woman-to-woman kink and BDSM. Women of all experience levels are welcome! Transguys welcome!

Tickets will be $15 in advance, or $20 at the door. Advance tickets are available as follows: (On sale July 10th!)

* Little Sister's (1238 Davie Street)

* The KISS Store (2512 Watson Street)

* Banshee Clothing (1566 Commercial Drive)

* ONLINE: via PayPal through the website

* IN PERSON: One Day only, Mel will be at the MVK Play Party Saturday, July 4th (that's tomorrow!), she'll be the one in a girl guide uniform! MVK - www.vancouverdungeon.com

http://canadianmayhem.com

It never ends

2009-06-02T09:10:00.000-07:00

So last night, on the way home from getting groceries, I noticed that my brakes were acting a little funny. This morning I checked the brake fluid and indeed it was super low. I'm going to go pick some up and top it up. However it's hydraulic, *if* I do have air in the system, it's a problem. So I wend around looking for some info on how to take care of this. I found this lovely sexist article.

How to bleed your breaks

The article is actually the most useful in terms of giving you the most useful information on how to do the job, but then there is lovely tidbits like this:

Sneak into the kitchen and appropriate the small turkey baster.

Which wouldn't be so bad if it weren't followed up with:

Cue the Helper
Your helper needs to be someone who can follow instructions exactly. He or she won't get dirty hands so you don't need to pull one of your pals away from the ballgame. A teenager in a white dress will do fine.

Because clearly you are the family man who would *have* to sneak into the kitchen to steal a turkey baster, it certainly wouldn't be your own. And there is no way you could pull your pals away from something so precious as a ball game to perform some menial helper task. That would be far to degrading. Really, was the white dress image necessary?

That said, anybody want to be my teen in a white dress sometime this weekend?

However I do really love living in an age where I, who have never done this before, can hop online and read a ton of articles and watch video clips on how to do it and then feel confident enough to do it myself.

Random body acceptance post!

2009-06-01T13:44:00.001-07:00

I like my facial hair. Really I do. I have come a long fucking way in the last 6 or so years. From hatred and loathing, to OMG must be rid of it at all times and oh one day I will have enough money to have it permanently removed and blah, blah, blah, to whatever, people can deal, but I still don't *like* it, to hmmm, the people *I* like, like it, to actually liking it myself.
That said. I properly shaved this morning and it was pure delight. It was done without shame that I *had* to do it. Also with the knowledge and joy that by the next morning I would have the usual stubblies but for the moment my jawline would be silky smooth. It was also a lovely fresh feeling. Mmmm.

2009-05-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

My cousins wedding is coming up this weekend.

It's interesting, while this isn't something I ever envision for myself, I mean they are a picture of typical monogamous het couple, I'm happy for them.
I think I'm also a little envious of the attention that our family will pay them for something that doesn't actually *require* a lot of effort and/or personal growth. Not at all saying that people *don't* put in effort and experience personal growth before they get married, but that it doesn't require it. People get married all the time, it doesn't require a test or a minimum time length on the relationship or anything. It's celebrating the *start* of something.

I fully acknowledge that I am freaking lucky. I can bring home a same sex partner and not have dire consequences. However just cause I have it better than many, doesn't mean I don't want more. I'm envious because I will never get to have a big party where my *bio* family will celebrate a milestone I have with my lover and maybe my other lover/girlfriend/whatever let alone have them acknowledge the worth and validity of having more than one relationship.

Ha, and now I'm getting to the point. I was thinking about writing something to maybe read at the wedding. We often have an opportunity to go up and say something at stuff like this. I usually never speak cause I'm shy and don't have anything prepared, but more and more I've been finding my voice and realizing what I have to say isn't stupid. So I sat down to write and really, the only thing I want to say is maybe a bit of advice on the importance of communication and honesty. Here, with my family, I run into the prejudices around age and heterosexism. Also my own closetedness. They only see the very few people I bring home and they certainly don't hear about the huge opportunities for growth and learning. Who am I to them, to give relationship advice?

But I think as a poly queer, I have developed some decent relationship skills, many of which are transferable to a mono het relationship. So here I am pondering what lessons to attempt to pass on and how to do so in a manner appropriate for a cousins wedding. While I want to be true to myself, I still want this to be about them. It's their freaking day, I actually want this to be more of a gift than a podium for myself.

2009-03-30T11:43:00.000-07:00

I am an omnivore. I like meat, though I totally respect the many reasons why people might go vegetarian.

I was reading today about people eating invasive species. Squirrels and the like.
http://www.treehugger.com/files/2009/03/eating-aliens-invasive-species.php

I must say, I'm all for it. One of the reasons I would consider going vegetarian is the sustainability factor and this would greatly reduce that impact. Locally hunting your own meat, great! I think we are far to removed from the source of our food. One of the reasons I love the farmers market so much, at least I'm meeting the people who grew my food. I know that I would have to want meat a great deal more to go out and hunt and prepare wild game.

A number of friends of mine have attended UVic, which has a bunny problem. I have heard many stories of students eating the animals and again I am behind it. There was an article in the UVic newsletter about how to kill, skin and prepare rabbits which stirred up a lot of controversy.
This is a response to the article here:
http://www.rabbitadvocacy.com/hunting_uvic_rabbits_is_illegal.htm
There were a lot of comments about not hurting the bunnies which I think is a bit hypocritical if the posters are omnivores. The expanding bunny population is a problem and the suggestion that the only SPCA approved way of dealing with them is to have them neutered and have homes found for them is ridiculous. The problem was supposedly have started because people abandoned their pets. Do they really think that they are going to find homes for approximately a thousand rabbits? I don't think so. Shelters often have to kill their residents due to over population.

I'm not an expert on the most humane way of killing rabbits, I do think that it is important to do quickly and humanely and I think that torturing animals is awful and disgusting. AND I think that eating animals is a natural thing. Falcons, owls, hawks and off-leash dogs already take care of some of the bunnies, I would think that the fear and suffering would be about the same if not less being killed by a human vs animal.

So all in all, if you eat meat, why not eat rabbit? Local, free range, cheap and sustainable!

More aricles:
Bunny Complaints Multiply at UVic
Bunny Boom Bugs Victoria Campus

Mayhem!

2009-03-26T12:59:00.000-07:00

This is going on in my lovely city, you should come! Enter the Mayhem!

2009-01-12T11:56:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting here perusing the feminist blogs as I am wont to do on a long day of filling, and the topic of workplace harassment came up. In this case a female flag person was being honked and catcalled. Now I've worked in a male dominated field for several years now and I've been part of the system (school) even longer. I rarely get any flak these days and more often in comes in undertones rather than anything outright. I really believe that we should have workplaces free from *any* kind of harassment, but what to do about it? There was a call to readers to put in their own ideas. Hell I should just link to the article in question already.

It's over at I blame the patriarchy. So there are some good responses and some that require the assistance of men. Like the suggestion of having two men stand by her while she's flagging and they don't get let by if they catcall. My instinct is that it puts out the idea that she still needs the protection of big strong men. Something I try to get away from. Everything I do at work I try my hardest to do myself. If something is too big or too heavy to move myself, there is usually some way to do the job safely with the right tools. I try to find that way by myself.

This reminds me of an episode recently at a local party. A friend (rougegentleman) had set up a kinky demo area at a party that is not specifically kinky, so of course there are a lot of spectators. Myself and another friend (wolfe) arrive later in the evening and decide to do a light flogging scene. Things are just fine until two rather drunk longshoremen came up and wanted to pay to have a go at me. If rougegentleman hadn't stepped in, the two would have interrupted wolfe more than just verbally. As it was we stopped because they were being quite persistent about wanting to pay me to hit me. That in and of itself was stupid, but rougegentleman was keeping between me and the two longshoremen with the idea of protecting me. I admittedly went along with this, but part of me balks at needing to be protected. I should be able to protect myself. However the system is not set up for this to be so. I have no illusions that if it came down to it, physically I would loose to two longshoremen.

So I think that maybe enforcing protection from abuse by using a big strong man furthers the idea that women are property to be protected. Whether it be by a partner, brother, coworker... whatever. It says to me that women need a guardian. I can't speak for anyone else, but I move through my life often by myself, I value my independence greatly and I realize that it comes with a risk, but I'm willing to take that risk. I think that maybe what the person recounting the story about the flaggers experience, idea was, might be a better idea. Fines for harassment, legal recourse. A process that doesn't require a person of a particular gender. (That said, I don't want to discount the big strong women, however they are a minority)

What am I trying to say here? I think that we need to be able to confidently pursue legal recourse when there is gendered harassment. Regardless of the extent of the harassment (verbal to rape), regardless of what is being worn (the flagger was wearing coveralls, I was in a short skirt and topless) and regardless of anything else, status, situation, location, etc. This needs to be *able* to happen and it needs to happen publicly enough that it sets an example. That people know that harassment is not okay and that there are consequences. Too often it is brushed under the table, women are too afraid of the very real consequences to themselves or justice is not served.

Thoughts?

Breath

2007-09-26T11:04:00.000-07:00

So I currently work at a little burner and boiler parts wholesaler. I've been trained in industrial instrumentation and I have my C Gas Ticket, which in BC means I can work on residential gas appliances. I've wanted to be out on the tools for a long time now, and I've finally done it.

I'm angry though, I was the only woman in my classes and of course I was the only one who got stuck in sales. I make less then my classmates and it's taken me two years of making contacts and proving myself to get this opportunity. I had to challenge the beliefs of the guy who finally did hire me. He was disbelieving of the fact that I could and would "swing a pipe wrench".

Now I am working 5 days at my sales job (I finish my contract in December), I work Saturdays for my new employer, I've been going to the gym 2-4 days a week to get in shape for this new job and on top of it all, my new employer wants me to study for my Power Engineering Certificate. I'm doing it all, but I feel like I'm just barely holding it together.

This Saturday will mark day 4 of this new job. So far I've helped install a boiler feedwater tank, do a boiler inspection and fit up a stainless steel steam heat exchanger. I've done a lot of grunt work (threading and fitting pipe) and I've also learned so much. I've also been physically able to do almost everything I needed to do. The one thing I couldn't do, which was breaking seized pipe unions, I will be able to do shortly. Another month or two at the gym and all this grunt work on the weekends, and I will have biceps of steel baby! Then I'll show those unions who's boss!

Despite all this, the fact that I've been doing it all, that I can see the changes in my body, that I know I will continue to get stronger, that I know I can pick up new skills quickly, that the people I'm working with seem to be pretty awesome, I'm terrified.
I'm terrified that I'm going to run into something I won't be able to do, to learn, to figure out. I'm terrified that I'm going to be told I'm not strong/competent/able enough to do the job.
I'm terrified my feet will start to hurt again and I will either be in pain constantly or I will just have to quit. (I had to leave a wharehouse job because of plantar fasciitis, it was several months of constant pain before I did though)

Then there is this tremendous pressure I feel. I feel like if I fail at this, my entire gender will be judged because of it. If I don't make it, my new employer will never hire another woman. That the customers I've met will "know" that it was a mistake for the company to hire me. This is bullshit, but given my experience, I know in some ways it's not far from the truth.

Last Saturday we worked in a Punjabi Dairy. I could feel the looks, varied from disdain, to outrage, to disbelief that I was there, that I was doing a "man's job".

All of this, and I can't fucking wait till I'm at this full time. I love building and creating, working with the tools, troubleshooting and solving problems. I love the physical nature of the job, cranking away at the fittings, climbing up or crouching down and wedging yourself between things. I love the the people and the places, always something new. I love the satisfaction of a difficult problem solved, of a beautifully done job, of a happy new owner.

So I breath, and take this one day at a time. What else can I do?

And on a totally personal note...

2007-07-29T19:43:00.000-07:00

My triad broke into a possible V yesterday, my two loves Bob and Lyn broke it off after nine years. I know Bob and I are still involved, but I'm not sure about Lyn. Feeling a bit lost and uncomfortable. I haven't lost anybody (yet), but that wonderful energy that the three of us had together is no more.

Right, I haven't posted in a while

2007-07-29T09:02:00.000-07:00

Ahh well, life has been busy.

I've been reading a bunch of poly blogs dealing with my own angst, figuring my own shit out and what's come up a few places is labels.

Now I used to rebel against labels, but not so much now, but I think it would be better if people understood that a label can just be a starting point. I identify as a bisexual, polyamorous, kinky, eco-consious, feminist tradeswoman. That says a lot about me, but certainly not *everything* about me. It doesn't say that I make a mean batch of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, or that I prefer showers to baths and it also doesn't tell you the subtleties of each label, because under each of those labels there is room for difference.

The poly label says I'm not monogamous, my good friend would agree with that, though her style of polyamoury is much different than my own, she prefers to have a primary partner and several secondary relationships, I have found myself happily in a triad. You can be many different degrees on the bisexual spectrum, I find myself somewhere in the middle with a slight lean towards lesbian, I don't think I could tell you where exactly I fit and I know people who sit on either side of me in that regard. I'm kinky and again the spectrum of kink is so large and varied, both in wether you like to top/bottom, dom/sub or all or any combination and what kind of activities. I'd need a whole article to get to the nitty gritty of what my kink is.
Anyway, Labels can be useful in starting off communication, and if there isn't one that you think fits for you, make one up and explain it to people, maybe it will catch on.

Thinking Green

2007-05-14T10:56:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd do a quick post about the green challenge over at Slate. They are on week 5 of 7, but you can still go back and do previous weeks.
It's an interesting way to help you be aware about how much CO2 you are producing.

Heh, I guess that's all for now.

I admit it

2007-05-13T23:00:00.000-07:00

I was all consumerist for mothers day.
I bought a card and an orchid and off I went. I hate it, but I hate these stupid holidays so much, but with my family who are all really into that stuff, it just looks like I don't care.
If I didn't hate it so much I wouldn't put it off until the last minute when I come up with some great ideas that of course take a while to put together.

Of course I think what my mom appreciated more was that I faced the hoard that is our extended family for her. And gods, I was in no good mood for it. Yipe. I'm a bit of a black sheep in the family already, and most of them, okay, practically all of them don't know I'm poly and kinky and they probably don't know how feminist I am. I've avoided politics in my family since my grandfather called me a "naive little girl" for my views. As the personal life goes, there is a lot of editing. I do my best to not out and out lie, but I certainly omit a lot.

So now, I know I don't have many, if any readers yet, but if you do happen to stumble upon this, how open are you to your family about your life? And this goes for everybody, do they know basically what you do everyday? If you are some flavor of queer, do they know? Do they know the nitty-gritty or more big picture?

I had a party last night..

2007-05-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

So, no particularly feminist posts today, well, maybe when I get back from grocery shopping.
But I will say that if my house was warm before, now it's smoking. Well over 25 people squished into my suite and I made a toast! And only one glass broke!
Well, I'm off to get some food and enjoy the sun.

Pairing

2007-05-10T21:18:00.000-07:00

Today I was reading a bi womans email list I belong to, someone posted about how people are often trying to match her up with people of opposite gender and that of course got me thinking about my own experiences. While I was only dating one woman for quite a while, someone asked if I had given up on men, lately one lesbian friend wanted to set me up with a woman and another wanted to see me paired up with a woman... She wanted to see me "happy". I don't see how being paired up inherently makes you happy. I think I'm happier than I've been in a long time and I'm pretty independent right now despite the fact that I have two lovers. Apparently that doesn't count in the eyes of others. I don't live with them and aren't glued to their sides all the time like many couples I know.
I also wonder if this happens to guys, I doubt it. Women aren't complete unless they have another half. Men are already complete. Bleh. Bunk.

2007-05-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

Last night I slept between my two loves.

Last night I performed in a concert with a band that is made up of people who love those of the same gender, or those who are understanding of it.

Last night I introduced a complex social web of multiple lovers, ex roommates ex girlfriend, out of town friend, old friend and occasional fuck, friend of a friend and incredibly close ex.

Last night I watched a powerful scene with people who understand that pain can be inflicted lovingly.

The other day a girl was stoned to death for loving someone she wasn't supposed to.

My first reaction is that I am so lucky to live where I do and be surrounded by such amazing people.

But after I think about it some more I am just appalled at the hate in the world especially of the hate directed at women.

I just don't understand it.

2007-05-10T08:37:00.001-07:00